Batman, Bacteria and unBelievers

So the recent threat of a MRSA infection in my face, and subsequent trip to the ER, and even more subsequent isolation from the general population have given me a lot of time to:

1) Think about my faith, which...judging by my first night of freaking out, and subsequent relief at the reassurance of doctors/friends...is weaker than I'd care to admit.

2) Watch WAY more TV than normal

The recent financial issues of the world have produced all kinds of reactions in people and the people that lead those people and the people that follow those people...reactions that are very telling regarding the amount of weight people put on life on this earth.

I see it this way. Life...is kinda like college. The afterlife is like the "real world" (a term I loathe) and there are four groups of people.

• Those that study because they enjoy studying
• Those that study because they feel it will prepare them for life after college (I'm thinking this is where Christians are supposed to generally fall...Matthew 6:20 and whatnot.)
• Those that party because they enjoy partying, and figure everything will just turn out ok
• Those that party because they feel that college is their last shot at an enjoyable life, and they've got to get their jollies in while they can.

When I first thought about this, atheists and agnostics immediately ran through my mind as falling under the party category--then I realized a non-belief in God or a questioning wouldn't necessarily preclude a person from belief in a life beyond the one we know now and that it's quite possible to see many tenets of Christian behavior lived out in non-Christian lives. Of course, the transverse is also true...there are party elements in the behavior of many Christians too. As much as we condemn people for partying, drinking, gambling, sex, drugs, and whatever else is that really that much different than expending efforts to leave a legacy to grandchildren or establish a career reputation? Aren't they both just stocking up experiences/items for enjoyment in this world?

least horrifying picture of the newest Joker I could find

I think it's part of the INTJ package, but I frequently wonder why people do things...not just why they buy Honda over Toyota or sit in the front of the room as opposed to the back. I mean the large scale stuff. The stuff we invest their real time and energy into. (Working in a business environment, I find myself wondering more and more every minute of every day.) I'm at the point where I think that's about the only question that matters. Democrat? Republican? I don't care. I want to know what kind of America you envision. Livid about Casey Anthony going free? Not concerned. I want to know how you feel about child welfare in general.

That's the real difference between people, and I believe there are fewer people out there that do things "just because" than we would like to admit. I simply don't believe that most people are just dogs chasing cars. Most of us have an end game in mind, whether we admit it or not.

The arranged marriage of my faith.

First let me say the tradition of arranged marriage is unfairly demonized. And yet I feel it's a pretty bad idea overall...it's just that it seems no less effective in accomplishing whatever the ubiquitous "institution of marriage" is trying to accomplish, than its free-wheeling, Western-styled sister is out to do.*

Today, I had another, subtle change in attitude toward something I'd once perceived as mundane, necessary or even somber. My first was probably at age 16 when I looked at my Bible sitting on its marble windowsill and I no longer saw a textbook. Instead I saw a guidebook that had been given to me for my personal benefit. This time, it was communion. I looked up from my chair, saw the wooden trays and thought "yay communion!" and then "did you really just think 'yay, communion'?" As I child I...had mixed experiences. When I was very young, it meant my mother would be singing in the choir, so my brother and I got to sit with her over in the corner. To this day, I tear up when I hear "Come ye Disconsolate" or "Turn Your Eyes upon Jesus"...songs I've come to associate with my mothers's gentle, second soprano voice and its framing of my childhood. As a teen, it became the part of service that took church from long to REALLY long and left all us kids itchy in our seats, passing notes back on forth on TI-82s. Today though, I came to genuinely see it for what it was. Time to commune with someone I love and am learning to love more...and I was excited.

I make the comparison to arranged marriage because Christians that are raised in the faith have similar orientations to those who entered into marriages that were decided for them by someone else. They don't get the big, "impressive" stories of how they met completely by accident on a plane to Nevada or stories of constant, new and exciting revelations about seemingly superficial details about the lives of their partner.  They end up forming a relationship not of their choosing and working through it for years, sometimes for better, sometimes for a lot worse.

Still though, there persist stories of couples, who, despite not having left their romantic lives up to fate, found loving and fulfilling relationships. Like a woman betrothed, I didn't choose to go to church on Sundays as a child. I didn't choose to attend a school that included a course on Biblical study. I didn't choose to pray with my parents. All of that was chosen for me. I really didn't start executing choices until I was in high school. And yes, it's something for which I am grateful. Not because of the direction it was pointing me in...though that I am thankful for, because I had parents that pointed me toward the faith of Christianity moreso than the religion...but mostly instead because it makes the transition easier.

There are spiritual disciplines and concepts that are hard. They just are. Financial discipline, serving, Biblical study, prayer, personal sacrifice, controlling of the tongue, controlling of the body, regular service attendance, patience, forgiveness and understanding with other members of the body of Christ. Those take time, effort and sacrifice to learn, put into practice and make habits of and I'm willing to bet none of them come instantly with salvation. Kind of like love seldom comes instantly in arranged marriages. Sometimes it grows. Sometimes it never comes. Sometimes the relationship turns into resentment and hatred of something familiar and confining.

In any case, I'm an thankful for the arrangements that have been made...and honestly for how they were made...in my life.

*I make a very stark personal distinction between marriages God has "endorsed", and those that are done simply for the sake of being married or not being single. The latter is what I'm referring to in this post.

The crazy stuff I believe.

One of the best books I've read in the last few years is The Ascent of Money by Niall Ferguson. Put most simply, it's a book about the history of money...how humans use it, how we've changed it and it's changed us. It's won a lot of awards and attracted a lot of criticism, but one passage in it really got me thinking about faith.

...money is a matter of belief, even faith: belief in the person paying us; belief in the person issuing the money he uses or the institution that honours his cheques or transfers. Money is not metal. It is trust inscribed. 


One of the biggest turning points in my life as a Christian was accepting that logic isn't the end all and be all of human existence. A long time ago, a former pastor used to say something that confused me deeply. Quite frequently he would call from the pulpit "You have to know that you know that you KNOW that you know." I never understood how the concept of knowledge could be applied to something none of us had ever seen and could not possibly, logically "know". Sure, there are elements of logic in Christianity and you can use it to decipher issues in life and Biblical study, but at the end of the day, it really doesn't make logical "sense".

Mr. Ferguson got me thinking of other things in life I simply "believe" with little physical or experiential evidence.

• The theory of relativity: Sure, I understand it from a very basic, scientific level, but I've never personally conducted any experiments and really have no experience with its applicability across the universe. 
• Man landing on the moon: Yes. I believe we did it. I've seen shuttle launches and pieces of moon rock. Still though, I've never been to the moon myself, couldn't build a shuttle or complete the calculations needed to get a craft to the pretty round ball I see at night. 
• The existence of...anything in space. I just saw the movie Thor (which I LOVED conceptually and visually) and the most amazing part for me, were the scenes flying past nebula, planets and stars (...ok...the Ice Giants were cool too). But still, as much as I do believe they do exist, I have as much proof that they exist as I do Bigfoot or Nessy or the Chupacabra.
• Almost...all of history: I've seen quite a few historical artifacts, Dowager Empress Xi Ci's palace, Akhenaten's death mask, Ancient engravings at the ruins of Tulum...all of them amazing. The stories behind them? I'm taking people 100% at their word. I saw none of them created and have never spoken with any one who has. Considering that "history is written by the victors", and I've done absolutely no work in archaeology, that's pretty much the definition of blind belief. 

Why believe things like this? Is it because they're convenient and fit neatly into the way I see the world? Is it because belief to the contrary would label me an outsider? I'm really not sure. What I do know though, is that believe and faith, in the secular and the spiritual, require suspension of reliance on the absolute reach of your individual understanding and experiences. 

Being an introvert and attenvion vs. interraction

I remember my first solo musical performance in front of a large audience...it was done at the height of popularity of my church in the community. We had a new, dynamic pastor that kept the building (that seated over 500) packed to the point people that people had to be sent to satellite areas downstairs to watch the service on a closed circuit feed. It was the Sunday before Christmas, and I'd been asked to reprise my performance of The Little Drummer Boy (that I'd played for the kids program) for the whole congregation. It was a beautiful, rich arrangement that did an amazing job of reflecting the meaning of the song. I spent the whole performance, terrified by the church's deafening silence while I played. (There aren't many instances in Black sacred music where there is not either clapping or singing or yelling...constant feedback from the audience, which is honestly characteristic of our culture as a whole.) 

I finished the song, stood, turned to bow and saw the entire congregation on its feet, roaring and clapping. It was a nice feeling to know that people had appreciated something I did so much, but honestly, not enough to draw me back. 

That's my favorite performance of the song. Bowie's voice still surprises me in its non pop-funk form.

At the church I was raised in, kids basically had two options for service...you sang in the choir, or you ushered. My temperament in no way fit the energetic, attention-loving environment of the kids I knew that sang, so I became an usher. We had quiet meetings to coordinate our sitting, standing and door blocking, which I didn't mind too much, because we only met once a month, the meetings were only about 30 min and I had a massive crush on one of the guys.

Fast forward 15 years and lo and behold, I'm an usher again. Our recently arrived missions pastor came to me a couple months back and asked if I'd consider greeting for a couple of special occasions. He kept talking and said something that surprised me...genuinely surprised me...and I don't surprise easily by any measure. "You have such a positive welcoming energy, I was wondering if you'd help out." I swear I froze, waiting for a punch line. I know I've become more open in recent years (though not more extraverted), but I thought there must be some other 6' tall Black woman with natural hair that only shows up on days I'm not there that he THOUGHT he was talking to. (I might have brushed it off as flattery if someone at work hadn't said something similar a few days before.)

So I'm greeting today and it started to hit me what the real difference between ushering and singing at my old church was. If you'd asked me years ago, I would have said it was people who liked interacting with people (singers) and those who didn't (ushers). But today, realizing that I'd spoken to every person that set foot in the building, and remembering the faceless mass that had been behind me during that entire performance of The Little Drummer Boy, I understood that the position of greeting/ushering requires much more interaction on a one to one level than performing does.

Attention...I'm not sure what part it plays in the introversion-extroversion spectrum...I know many extroverts that enjoy attention and some that don't...can't say the same for introverts though...I know a lot (which is a big deal since we tend to stay in our little holes) and I can't name one that actually enjoys the attention of others. Yes, there are many introvert performance artists, but they seem to tolerate the attention as more of a hazard of the job than a reward (Johnny Depp comes to mind).

All I can think is that attention can translate as a sort of one-way, social interaction...because honestly, what is conversation but a series of alternating, mini-performances with cyclical feedback and what is performance besides a conversation?

Are some people just inherently religious?

So there's been a lot of talk on the faults of religion lately. It's been unfairly blamed for starting every war the planet's ever seen, enslaving races and basically being the root of everything bad on the earth. I hold on to the relatively common belief that religion is a construct of man, different than faith, and is therefore subject to all the weaknesses and faults that we carry within ourselves...I also understand that that theory is only palatable if a person believes that humans are, in fact, inherently flawed.


My cousin posed the title question to me the other day, after observing the behavior of a friend. He's agnostic, educated, works a job in business and is, like me, a foodie. She described how dogmatic he is about the uses and presentations of food. How he tries to "convert" people to his gastronomic choices and spread the gospel of his culinary experiences. How, when in his presence, she sometimes felt she got insight into the experiences of those who complain of the overbearing approach of some Christians. If you put his behavior into the context of the concept of non-theistic belief, it very much mirrors devout followers of any religion. 

I do not believe that a person has to believe in a deity to be religious...especially if you take the definition of religion to be a body of persons adhering to a particular set of beliefs and practices. I believe that people worship at the temple of science, food, sex, pleasure, and even in Christianity at "sub religions" of leaders, churches, spiritual experiences, causes, earthly Biblical figures and even buildings. 

My first exposure to the concept came on the back of rapper KRS-One's "I Got Next" album. It included a brief introduction to the Temple of Hip Hop. If you read up on it, you'll see that it's not actually presented as a religion in the traditional sense...I believe the effort of the organization is one toward awareness and understanding of an often misunderstood form of music...but...it, like many things, could satisfy the needs of a person who is inherently religious, or who wants to be a religious leader.

I see vegans and vegetarians elevate their set of tastes, health and dietary choices to the level of a moral code, berating, condemning and judging those who have "sinned" against their religion. We're all aware of judgmental behavior of some members of organizations like PETA, or we have a friend or friend of a friend who protests loudly against the consumption of meat or treatment of animals (things I actually disapprove of on a certain level myself). 

From dietary choices, to treatment of hair, patriotism, chosen art, science and everything in between...Yes, I do believe there are those of us that are more prone to "religious behavior" than others. Myself, I believe that I lean toward inherently non-religious. I've often said that if I weren't Christian, I'd likely be a Nihilist...not because I'm a naturally hopeless person, but because I simply don't see evidence of the inherent good of humanity, the infinite virtue of caring for family, and friends, nor do I have faith that all of our advancement over the short time we've been on this planet has done anything to solve any of our real issues. I've never understood people that come to church on a regular basis, yet openly confess that they do it out of pure ritual. That, however, is easy to say from this side of the fence. I really don't know how I would react to life if I didn't have the hope and purpose that God has blessed me with.

I do believe though, that religion has a purpose, and feeds a need that we as humans, at some level, all carry within ourselves. As Christians, I believe it gives us context for many spiritual concepts and a framework for the practical application of many forms of discipleship.  

What kind of tired are you?

I once received a list of things you realize as an adult. One of the. was "I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least a little tired."

So true.

I've been...tired lately. After 4 years of working full time while in grad school and dancing salsa multiple nights a week, it was hard for me to understand why I'm tired now. All I do is work and go to the gym! Had I gotten lazy? Weak? I realized tonight at Bible study that lately, I've been drained not physically and not short on sleep. I've been drained emotionally.

Sure, the different kinds of "tired" can be difficult to discern, but it's essential, because you don't know what kind of rest you need if you don't know what kind of tired you are. After traveling last week and playing catch up this week, I'm burnt. I almost skipped Bible study because I needed to rest and my first instinct was to spend time relaxing at home...honestly though, that wasn't what I needed. I've worked jobs where, no matter how much time I took off, there was never any feeling of healing or rest. It's incredibly frustrating and disheartening.

I went to study anyway and after discussing servant leadership (I Peter 5), I was reinvigorated and refocused toward my purpose in life. I've found that that's what's been most draining since graduation. It can be hard to see real purpose in your work sometimes, and the reminder that God has me where I am not only for others, but also for my personal development washes away a lot of the exhaustion and has helped me stop fighting against things I fear and focus on my purpose in my life at this moment.

Ohoh...I also came out of the jiu jitsu closet tonight to some church members. It seems silly, but you never know how people will react to a finding out. Being Black, I always assume people will see me as hyper aggressive. Being female, I assume it will be seen as improper. Being Christian, I'm sure a few people will see it as sinful. I was really happy to see how excited my pastor was about it. His wife and a couple other people were really hyped to find out too. Yays.

What should churches be doing for singles?

Over the past two days, I've twice been encountered with the laments of single women in church, looking for a partner. It's something I've been sort of slow to discuss with individuals lately, because some women, when met with my views that not all women are meant to marry, that we as women frequently don't try hard enough to understand who men really are and that the "prince" doesn't exist...well...I've been met with lectures on how I don't understand women who "really want" to be married and questions as to why God doesn't want us to have the best possible in all areas of our lives, no matter how gently I've phrased myself.


There's...a lot...there...on both my end on the opposite. It got me thinking why women feel lost in church when it comes to partnering and some seem very misguided on the Bible's stance on singleness. I've only heard men quote Paul's positive writings on staying single, and I think women especially could benefit from churches making efforts to meet the needs of singles. There are a bunch, but here are what I think are the top seven needs of singles in church...


1) Insight into the lives of single people in the Bible

2) Open discussion on the Biblically acceptable dating (relating to potential mates, money, sex, etc.)

3) Community involvment: Volunteer projects, keeping open and active connections with what's going on in the community.

4) Financial guidance (too many people wait until they're married to start thinking about money)


5) Feeling like a part of the church through having more visible, active, single leaders in the church

6) Self exploration: Encouraging singles to form groups/clubs based on interests

7) Guidance in finding God's will: Prayer groups

...I also think singles should get exposure to some honest looks into marriage. Maybe sitting in on some talks from married couples, divorced people and widowed members. I've learned a lot about the process not just from watching my parents' marriage, talking to my grandmother about her first and second marriages and talking to friends. 

What on earth am I here for?

"Our gifts, our ministries, our abilities, they are not an extension of ourselves. Our significance and our security lies in you."

Check out this message from David Chong Wui Howe.

At the end, David poses that you should ask yourself these four questions for guidance:

1) What do you feel joy doing? What is my deepest desire or passion?
2) What are you good at doing? What are my abilities, skills, spiritual gifts, mutant powers?
3) What do you feel are the biggest needs of the people around you?
4) What is your unique personality?
5) What do others in school, family, circle of friends, church community say about me? Is there confirmation from the Body of Christ?



This is something I've been praying about, earnestly, for over a decade. I've often wondered (usually in times of deep stress) why I feel I haven't yet found a clear answer, feeling as if I'm wasting the talents and time God as given me. At the end of the message, I heard something that is great insight into my situation: Finding God's purpose for your life is not just about praying, but also trusting God's will. I tend to struggle with that.

I'm beginning to understand that discomfort and difficulty do not mean we are necessarily in the wrong place...it may simply mean we are addressing a situation incorrectly, or that we were simply meant to go through that trial.

I believe that whole idea of "too blessed to be stressed" might be a bit misleading. It's come to mind because whenever I've told Christians that I'm stressed, the leading response is "be thankful for what you have". I am and have been. I get the core idea behind the saying. God has blessed you...don't worry. But stress is different than simple worry. Stress can come from exhaustion, frustration, misunderstanding and other places. It also implies that those who are stressed, aren't blessed or don't know/acknowledge it.

I've been prayerfully reading through Phillippians this week (new concept to me) and ran across this verse

Phil 2:28
Therefore I am all the more eager to send him, so that when you see him again you may be glad and I may have less anxiety.

Not saying my anxiety is related to concern over the things of God, but it seems as though being anxious is not necessarily an indicator you're following the wrong path.