Churches as a safe place

I was thinking this weekend how important my gym is to me. Being single means that you definitely have to fulfill your need for safe, supportive interactions in places other than romantic relationships. For me, one of those places is my gym. One of those places is not my workplace. When there is an upset at the gym, or the guys are off because of a loss, it disturbs me. I expect safety and a measure of  support. I've come to realize I've learned not to expect that at church.

We're reading the book Boundaries in the college group, and the chapter we did last week talked of how important it is for the church to be a safe place to singles and widows/widowers. Tonight, only one girl was able to make it. She's an obvious introvert. She told me about how she was teased to the point of tears about being quiet. This just shouldn't happen. I have a lot to say on the matter, but I think it's all summed up by saying that churches don't spend enough time teaching/encouraging people to be decent and not be bullies. It shows in our behavior both inside, and outside of the church walls. 

God of the Ordinary

A lot of the blogs I've been reading lately have been pointing back to the same theme...understanding...really understanding the character of God. Be it because of the challenge to pray from Carlos Whittaker to study the Bible less and pray more, or the revelations about the everydayness of God's work had over at Shrinking the Camel--lately I've been reflecting about God's imprint on my life.

I think it can be kind of difficult to see that print too early in life...you're just too close to the trees. Seeing that picture takes time and a step back that only age can provide. While I did get to talk to my grandmother about a look back on her life before she passed, I would have loved to have had the conversation again at the very end...when she REALLY knew it was over. When that peace and satisfaction hit her. I saw it on her face, but I didn't get to hear the words. No complaints though. It would have been hard to ask for a better end of life.

I read a post a month or so back at RZIM that kicked it all off and tackled the concept of "unanswered" prayers head on. Sure...I know my prayer time is probably not best spent praying for a trip to Samoa or that my cat will get better (Bamboo-Dog's fine btw) or for the health and well being of my family and friends...I know it's supposed to go beyond world peace and praying for people I don't know like Christians in foreign countries or the leaders of our world...I even know I should pray for my enemies. Beyond that though, I thought I was doing good by focusing my prayers around thanksgiving and praise and by focusing mostly on the well being of others. I thought I was doing so well with my list of needs of people in my life and beyond...and then Mr. Zacharias challenged all that. He asserted that the purpose of prayer first and foremost was to get to know God.

Now...I do take regular time to listen...TV off, mine clear of thoughts of cooking, Chinese or jiu jitsu, but until now, I'd never thought of prayer as primarily being about getting to know God. I'd always thought of it as kind of a really cool byproduct of the process or something that comes from a conversation or spending time with him.Will that slight, but important change in perspective change the format with which I pray? Probably not much. But I do think it will change the way in which I live.

I really think my life has been a lot like the Shrinking the Camel piece's description of the stock market, with the big stuff...the majority of the changes only coming from .03% of the time it's been in existence. This is the quote that really got me...

People like to think God is working through them . . . and they usually, mistakenly, mean it happens through fireworks and avalanches. But God is much more subtle than that, tending towards everyday-ness, and in leaving a long trail of kindness, character and consistency that actually adds up to something substantial over time. 


This is easy for even me to forget...I'm a person that doesn't like surprises. My best friend and travel companion likes to tease me about how I like to plan out activities in the day, and I respond that I don't like "a heart attack around every corner." I would think that God's everyday-ness would be welcome to me...and to a degree it is. I read the concept of a subtle God and my introverted little heart warmed.

...but every now and then I find myself looking back asking why I don't have more big moments...why there isn't more progressive upheaval in my life. Part of that I know is because God knows me and knows I'd likely lose a good chunk of my sanity if my life involved too much jerking and lurching...but I think part of that is a reflection of his character too. You look at his most beautiful and amazing creations, and the "fast" ones like trees and plants take months and years to form while the truly breathtaking ones took thousands, to perhaps millions to reach their current state. That aspect of God's character honestly comes at no surprise.

The arranged marriage of my faith.

First let me say the tradition of arranged marriage is unfairly demonized. And yet I feel it's a pretty bad idea overall...it's just that it seems no less effective in accomplishing whatever the ubiquitous "institution of marriage" is trying to accomplish, than its free-wheeling, Western-styled sister is out to do.*

Today, I had another, subtle change in attitude toward something I'd once perceived as mundane, necessary or even somber. My first was probably at age 16 when I looked at my Bible sitting on its marble windowsill and I no longer saw a textbook. Instead I saw a guidebook that had been given to me for my personal benefit. This time, it was communion. I looked up from my chair, saw the wooden trays and thought "yay communion!" and then "did you really just think 'yay, communion'?" As I child I...had mixed experiences. When I was very young, it meant my mother would be singing in the choir, so my brother and I got to sit with her over in the corner. To this day, I tear up when I hear "Come ye Disconsolate" or "Turn Your Eyes upon Jesus"...songs I've come to associate with my mothers's gentle, second soprano voice and its framing of my childhood. As a teen, it became the part of service that took church from long to REALLY long and left all us kids itchy in our seats, passing notes back on forth on TI-82s. Today though, I came to genuinely see it for what it was. Time to commune with someone I love and am learning to love more...and I was excited.

I make the comparison to arranged marriage because Christians that are raised in the faith have similar orientations to those who entered into marriages that were decided for them by someone else. They don't get the big, "impressive" stories of how they met completely by accident on a plane to Nevada or stories of constant, new and exciting revelations about seemingly superficial details about the lives of their partner.  They end up forming a relationship not of their choosing and working through it for years, sometimes for better, sometimes for a lot worse.

Still though, there persist stories of couples, who, despite not having left their romantic lives up to fate, found loving and fulfilling relationships. Like a woman betrothed, I didn't choose to go to church on Sundays as a child. I didn't choose to attend a school that included a course on Biblical study. I didn't choose to pray with my parents. All of that was chosen for me. I really didn't start executing choices until I was in high school. And yes, it's something for which I am grateful. Not because of the direction it was pointing me in...though that I am thankful for, because I had parents that pointed me toward the faith of Christianity moreso than the religion...but mostly instead because it makes the transition easier.

There are spiritual disciplines and concepts that are hard. They just are. Financial discipline, serving, Biblical study, prayer, personal sacrifice, controlling of the tongue, controlling of the body, regular service attendance, patience, forgiveness and understanding with other members of the body of Christ. Those take time, effort and sacrifice to learn, put into practice and make habits of and I'm willing to bet none of them come instantly with salvation. Kind of like love seldom comes instantly in arranged marriages. Sometimes it grows. Sometimes it never comes. Sometimes the relationship turns into resentment and hatred of something familiar and confining.

In any case, I'm an thankful for the arrangements that have been made...and honestly for how they were made...in my life.

*I make a very stark personal distinction between marriages God has "endorsed", and those that are done simply for the sake of being married or not being single. The latter is what I'm referring to in this post.

Counting Smilings

So I've been sick for the past couple of weeks. Not normal sick...no. When I catch a cold, it generally turns into a sinus infection...which means I can't lie down...which means I can't sleep properly...which means everything gets thrown off. I was an hour late for work for a week. I slept through my alarm for church. I missed two weeks at the gym, which I am now paying for.

So yeah, I spent multiple, consecutive nights wide awake at 2am, sneezing and making friends with my neti pot. A generally annoying and miserable situation. But...sitting there...I found glimmers of enjoyment watching cartoons and playing scrabble online with friends in other time zones. (just a tip, don't play scrabble while sick and sleep deprived. You WILL lose. Multiple times.)

Today I really got to thinking about the little blessings that come in the middle of negative situations. I was in between two stressful conference calls at work and a friend sent me an IM about his stamp collection. No big deal, but it was one of those situations where you find out something new and interesting about someone you've known a long time. I smiled instantly. Having that little glimpse of a reminder of a great blessing in my life washed away loads of stress.

2010 was a bumpy year for me. It was supposed to be a quiet, down year, recovering from the drain of grad school. I tried extending myself in new directions and honestly, I left even more tired and a bit disappointed that I didn't travel internationally. Work picked up. My efforts to try more extroverted activities in areas that I'm already interested stressed me something awful. Through that though, I've developed an even keener eye for the little bright things that shine through the clouds in my life.