Tuesday, March 8, 2011

What kind of tired are you?

I once received a list of things you realize as an adult. One of the. was "I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least a little tired."

So true.

I've been...tired lately. After 4 years of working full time while in grad school and dancing salsa multiple nights a week, it was hard for me to understand why I'm tired now. All I do is work and go to the gym! Had I gotten lazy? Weak? I realized tonight at Bible study that lately, I've been drained not physically and not short on sleep. I've been drained emotionally.

Sure, the different kinds of "tired" can be difficult to discern, but it's essential, because you don't know what kind of rest you need if you don't know what kind of tired you are. After traveling last week and playing catch up this week, I'm burnt. I almost skipped Bible study because I needed to rest and my first instinct was to spend time relaxing at home...honestly though, that wasn't what I needed. I've worked jobs where, no matter how much time I took off, there was never any feeling of healing or rest. It's incredibly frustrating and disheartening.

I went to study anyway and after discussing servant leadership (I Peter 5), I was reinvigorated and refocused toward my purpose in life. I've found that that's what's been most draining since graduation. It can be hard to see real purpose in your work sometimes, and the reminder that God has me where I am not only for others, but also for my personal development washes away a lot of the exhaustion and has helped me stop fighting against things I fear and focus on my purpose in my life at this moment.

Ohoh...I also came out of the jiu jitsu closet tonight to some church members. It seems silly, but you never know how people will react to a finding out. Being Black, I always assume people will see me as hyper aggressive. Being female, I assume it will be seen as improper. Being Christian, I'm sure a few people will see it as sinful. I was really happy to see how excited my pastor was about it. His wife and a couple other people were really hyped to find out too. Yays.

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