The him in that question is a difficult person in my life. An admittedly vindictive, aggressive, insulting person who, from what I can tell, tries their best not to be happy. I paused. I had nothing real. Don't get me wrong, I know what to do. When they insult, don't retaliate. When they need help, give it without grudge. When they lash out, remain calm and patient.
"I do all that, but honestly, not out of love."
I do it out of wanting to maintain my perception of self...out of not wanting to feel guilty if this person hurts themselves...out of trying to be part of maintaining a positive environment. None of that though, is love. Ego...guilt...avoidance, yeah, but not love.
We came to the conclusion that while the application is specific, people who show no apparent glimpses of lovability, require the application of agape, which is CRAZY difficult to develop. I've had conflicts with people where...even if we butted heads, I could clearly see where the issue was and where their damaged spots where...where my damaged spots were, took a step back and loved everything else. But that...is easy. it's loving the pretty parts, not the whole person. Whole person love, especially when you can't see redeeming qualities...yeah...