Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The married people in my single life.

Slightly off topic, but still on, I just read a quote from a great blog that sums up so much of my wonderment at the church's focus on marriage and procreation...

"but I’m also wary of the church’s intense focus on coupling up, as if getting married is the pinnacle of Christian life. That seems odd for a faith that follows the example of a homeless bachelor.

My theory on that is the church has WAY more of a Victorian influence that we'd care to admit, but I digress... 

I gotta say, I am genuinely thankful for a few of the married Christians in my life. Why? Because talking to them, you can tell they haven't chosen "a team". They're focused on their marriages, they talk to you as an equal, they're dedicated to their spouses, and you can tell that they don't worship their marital status...that their individual relationships with God take ultimate precedence. And while I'd rather get a cavity filled than sit through a romantic comedy or romance flick (I'm dead serious), when I see couples in movies working as teams to accomplish something bigger (The Mummy, Harry Potter) it does make me feel all warm and snuggly.

I've come to believe that people choose a team (married or single) well before marrying age and it's completely independent of their actual marital status. Some singles worship their freedom just as marrieds worship their wedding bands. People that worship neither, but appreciate the status for the role it plays in their lives? ...them I really enjoy. 


  1. I've never met anyone who truly worshipped their single status. It would seem hard to in a society that is adamant about making singles feel inadequate in every possible way. Thus, I think even if they did worship it, that would be for sheer balance to the status that is worshipped itself: marriage. It's like an equalizing behavior if anything. Any positive attribution for a minority status or class is usually for the purpose of equalizing. However, the care has to be taken to want genuine freedom, not simply trade places with those in an approved status or oppressive status. And these 2 desires are not one in the same.

    To appreicate the status that a minority role plays in one's life is a challange when one status is naturally more aprpoved than another. I almost feel like more is being asked of the single not to worship status or have positive attributes beyond the role it plays in their life compared to asking it of a married person. If something is already worshipped and approved, only a little logic is needed to see it as part of what defines a person and keep that appreciation at normal levels.

    Good post, I am thinking about the last paragraph quite a bit.

  2. As far as single worship...thinking about it more now, it's more prevalent with men. The perpetually single George Clooney is an idol to many men, while his female counterpart (is there one?) wouldn't likely receive the same positive attention. In the church though, I think it's more balanced. Single more equally means "defective" to both genders, though it sets in a decade or so earlier in life for women.

    "I almost feel like more is being asked of the single not to worship status or have positive attributes beyond the role it plays in their life compared to asking it of a married person."

    Not sure if you mean their personal status or status in general, but I think there are far more that see it negatively and asking them to see it as a positive (or a neutral)...I'd put that on par with asking marrieds not to see themselves as socially/morally superior...which isn't to say that the distance of the journey is any indication of its value to the individual or society.