Sunday, July 18, 2010
I've never been a big church dater, meaning I don't look to my church home as a dating pool...not for any reason of principle or high moral calling. I'm just highly anti-drama. Same thing applies to work and other activities. In-group dating just seems to go bad more often than not (kind of poses the question though...where DO I expect to meet men?) Even with the most mature people involved, there's a high chance that things can get awkward in the case of a breakup, or even a disagreement. That said, I've had a lot of friends who were regular church daters, many of whose relationships turned into marriages, so I know it can work for some people, it's just not a place I consider part of my standard dating pool.
I think part of the underlying reason though, is that I learned early on, that guys in church weren't much different than guys out in the world. I don't think this is true of all guys, or all churches, but it established a pattern for my dating life, which I believe built up to my first serious boyfriend. He was a Christian with many of the same core beliefs that I had, with whom I attended church regularly for the majority of our relationship. I met him through a Jehovah's Witness friend of mine who knew an agnostic friend of his. So yes, I wholeheartedly believe that God can bring his children together without the aid of a building.
What I struggle with, is ignoring church as a venue for meeting a potential mate. Wherever I am, I tend to focus heavily on what I'm doing, which has left me prone to not recognizing the advances of a couple of men for what they were. I once was asked out for pizza after a Spanish group meeting and couldn't figure out why the guy was so nervous at the end...fidgeting his feet, playing with his hands and yet staring deeply in my eyes. I told some of my friends later and got a unanimous "you were on a date!" Oops. Didn't notice. I'm really...really bad at stuff like that. Unless a guy specifically uses the word "date" or offers to pay for a meal at a restaurant with a wait staff, I'm probably going to assume we're just two friends hanging out.