Zombies and Christianity

I saw this on the High Calling and HAD to read it...yes...because of the title. No, I'm not a zombie-enthusiast.  It's a stretch, but it makes some good points and asks these questions that I wanted to try to answer...

http://www.thehighcalling.org/faith/fighting-zombies-try-eat-your-brains

1.    What do you think zombies represent?
2.    When do you most feel like you're turning into a zombie?
3.    Where do the zombies congregate in your life?
4.    How can God and your community protect you?

1. Zombies represent any area of my life where I'm moving without purpose and true motivation. Any area where I'm following my base nature and nothing more.

2. Lately...food. Normally I'd say work, but I've been doing really well eating purposefully for the past...3 years or so. My job's been kind of stressful lately though, and while it's only one meal a day, lunch has just been out the window lately...all kinds of bready, saucy, fatty, sugary treats that serves as mid-day entertainment and distraction from stress. 

3. Career (it's easy to fall prey to what I "should" be doing at...whatever age)...food...shopping habits (generally within my budget, but do I really need another pair of shoes? Even REALLY cute ones?)

4. Fighting off "zombies" is all about staying conscious of what you're doing with your time and resources. I know it's pretty heavily debated, but tithing...especially when it's extended to areas beyond money (like time and relationships), is...I've found...at the very least...a good reminder of how to proportion your life, and how much of a difference a small "investment" can make. It's also a good way to establish "inconveniencing" yourself...which is BIG for me in the area of time. If I'm selfish with anything, it's my time. I have a really twisted relationship with the clock (hate being late, love watches, hate being on a schedule, love making them) and it can be crazy difficult for me to make time for anything that's not part of my zombie habit....even rest. 

Jerk Love

"My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. ²Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. ³If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," ⁴have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

James 2: 1-4

We've been doing James in Bible study (I'm liking it!!). It's my favorite book...a heavy, sometimes painful book, but what can I say...I like straightforward:) There's a constant ebb and flow between the concrete and the abstract, which I believe is one of the core points of the book...and possibly even why James' statements seem to come out of nowhere in certain points. Well, tonight was chapter 2 and we were covering the concept of discrimination and prejudice. The book addresses it from a point of income, but as my pastor pointed out, it can be extrapolated into other areas...for me that was personality. He joked (I...think...) that I was given the gift of dealing with jerks. I really think they get discriminated against. I know I've always gravitated toward...edgier personalities...friends, relatives, hobbies, TV characters (which is why I think there was something deeper than humor behind what he said). It's something I understand. I have a personality that's quite a few degrees less than "warm and snuggly" and I know what it's like to be misunderstood on that level, so it's generally easy for me to look past some of the thorns and pricklies that people carry around with them.

I really have to say though...there are a LOT of "impoverished" personalities in my life right now. Maybe more than ever before and recently there's been even more of an up-tick. I also have to say that my reactions have not be the best. Jerks come in a pretty wide range of intensities. Some just have, let's say, "misguided" senses of humor. Other's are generally predatory on weaker personalities, and those are the ones that get to me. (Especially since in studying martial arts, I've put/found myself in a position of weakness.) But, as my aunt says "Hurt-people hurt people." I have to keep reminding myself of this. It is not my right to pass judgement on people's actions...even if they hurt me or others. 

Fear is a funny thing...

Well...kinda. Just got back from a great Bible study that hit home in one of those positive, painful-growth educing ways.

It made me realize a lot about my attitudes toward my work life. For the longest time, I've admired figures like Joseph and Moses who were brought through long periods of difficulty to excel in areas in which they weren't necessarily gifted. Well, it hit me that as much as I KNEW they went through difficulty to grow, and as much as I KNEW God brought them success without natural gifts, I had distanced that part from my life and focused only on the happy/successful ending. 

I've wondered for a while now, why, after much prayer and study and skill development, God had led me into a field that's deep with requirement of those things that, well, I'm not so good at. There's just...attention to detail and repetitious work EVERYWHERE in my industry. I've gotten better at both, but still not good at either. And that's where the fear comes in. This is a fear that's likely a burden to anyone that's "used to" being good at things. I've recently been given a more challenging assignment...an assignment that requires more attention to detail and repetition...and as much as I protest that I don't want to give up quality of life or work-life balance or my sanity, my concern over taking the position is really based in fear that I won't be able to do it. It's a fear that despite all I CAN do, that this job is just too full of what I CAN'T for me to make it through. 

To steal a quote from Bible study via Billy Graham:

"Mountaintops are for views and inspiration, but fruit is grown in the valleys."

So yeah...I know this is where the growth happens. While I've learned to trust that God is growing me, and not punishing me or leaving me to crash and burn, it's another feat altogether to find peace in difficulty. BUT...and this is a big one. I've been blessed with some wonderful mountaintops in other areas of my life, which, for the first time, I can see quite clearly despite being in a temporary valley.

I'm not who I thought I was.

Great message at church this morning. It was one of those where a LOT of stuff jumped out at me and I had to frantically try to note it all down. What stood out to me most though, was the verse below.

John 1:42 (NIV)
And he brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, "You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas" (which, when translated, is Peter ).

Being a Christian that was raised in church is an interesting thing. You've heard the basics probably thousands of times, but as your life grows and changes, those basics take on new meanings and God reveals new insights. I heard this verse and immediately thought back to who I was 10 years ago. I was 20, in my junior year of college. I was in love with the image of the suit-wearing corporate life and had been for years. (I transitioned straight from lacy, pastel dresses covered in glitter and tulle to double breasted skirt suits. Power skirt suits.) I was dating a really sweet, artistic Christian guy and was looking forward to all the cute heels I was going to buy to match my suits.

Well, my first job in my field was with a very laid back company. Jeans every day. Suits only when going on site with clients. I thought that laid-back, jeans-and-tshirt corporate culture only applied to Silicon Valley companies like Apple and Google, but I was quite wrong. My first couple of business trips, it was fun to walk through the halls, towering in a dark suit, ankle length coat and leather gloves. My boss at the time told me repeatedly that I had the "look" and "walk" of a consultant. Well, it was fun...all of two times. The novelty wore off and suits just became uncomfortable. Business trips became burdensome (and I really haven't been on that many.) 

I prayed, for YEARS to be removed from this job. I didn't explicitly ask for a more corporate assignment, but deep down, that's what I wanted. I sit now, 10 years later, thankful that I never got sucked into the whirlpool of traditional corporate culture. I call it a whirlpool because it's not something you just step out of. It really is an uncompromising, all-consuming, distinct lifestyle. Your values change. Habits form. Which, incidentally, is what I think your 20s are about...establishing habits and standards of living. I'm thankful God has taught me to live a relatively minimalistic life. I never developed a taste for fancy cars (though I do have a natural taste for fancy food:), high end electronics or name brands. My life now is happily composed of weekend cooking projects, training Brazilian jiu jitsu, building an organization to connect China and the US my quiet job and the occasional international trip.

I don't want as much as I thought. Well...that's not true. My wants haven't changed much. It's more that they're quieter and I now know that the things I want don't make me feel half as good as I'd expected. At best, they give temporary comfort. At worst, they make me feel bloated...like I've eaten too much. But I know...that even years ago, God knew where my true happiness was. He knows my real name. He knows what suits me as an individual, and I know that the last few years have been about "purging" so many outside standards that I'd managed to absorb over the years. 

More politics...

I'm a pretty apolitical person. I'm not registered with any political party partly because I take issue with the concept of bi-partisan government. I believe too deep a focus on politics removes us from real change we can make in our real, every day lives. And especially the way things are going these days, I believe it's just another way for people to categorize and dismiss the nuances of the individual human beings around us. 

And that's why an email I received the other day really bothered me. It was a forward (gotta love 'em) supposedly listing changes to the 2011 tax codes that would plunge us into socialism. I gotta admit I was offended on multiple levels. Forwards are impersonal. Unless it's an invitation or notice of a birth or other event, I don't see the point of emails sent out with no real regard for who the readers are. It offended me professionally too. Tax information is readily available online. The email cited no information from the IRS website...no links, no citations, nothing. Misinformation is a scary thing and I know close to no one is going to go and verify what was stated. In the past, I've received similar emails from fellow Christians that have been proven to be outright lies told to prove a point. (I'm still not sure of the best way to handle those situations) What gets to me most though, is I know...I genuinely know why I receive these emails.

The senders were Christian, I'm Christian, and for whatever reasons, that means I must be a Republican and worship at the almighty shrine of capitalism (despite my chosen field of study, I'm not 100% sold). I get these emails pretty often from Christian...acquaintances. I can't say "friends". Anyone who's a close friend knows that not only am I not into politics, but also that I delete just about any email whose title starts with "FWD:" site unread. (Yes, that includes ones that declare that I don't love Jesus if I don't open them and immediately forward to my entire mailing list.) It's not just the emails to be honest. I've been invited to rallies, been shown Tea Party signs, all with the assumption of my agreement with the principles in question. And I know it's not just me. I've been seeing more and more blog posts and message boards posts from Christians dealing with the same issue. 

It kinda frustrates me. Not because people might disagree with me. That's part of life. Not even necessarily because of the assumptions made (though I do have to admit that does irk my nerves a bit). It gets to me most because I know this isn't what we as believers should be focusing on. I know that if it makes me angry, I'm distracted spiritually. I know it's wasting time and opportunities we should be using studying, helping and praying. I know it drives wedges between believers. Wedges that can be hard to remove.

"A goal inspired by God is a blessing, by man, a burden."

OK, so that's not an official quote (if there is such a thing). I just made it up. I'm not even sure if ALL goals inspired by men are full on burdens, but I'm definitely starting to see a trend.

I couldn't sleep last night (allergies have been insane lately), and figured it would be a good chance to catch up on my reading from A Slice of Infinity. The essays come in nice little emails to your inbox, but they're far from light reading even in the day time, let alone at 3am. Today's writing was based on Jesus and the paralytic in Luke:

"Which of the two is harder," asked Jesus, "to bring physical healing or to forgive a person's sins?"  The irresistible answer was self-evident, was it not? To bring physical healing because that would be such a miraculous thing, visible to the naked eye.  The invisible act of forgiveness had far less evidentiary value.  Yet, as they pondered and as we ponder, we discover repeatedly in life that the logic of God is so different to the logic of humanity.  We move from the material to the spiritual in terms of the spectacular, but God moves from the spiritual to the material in terms of the essential.  The physical is the concrete external—a shadow.  The spiritual is the intangible internal—the objective actuality.Yet we all chase shadows.  We chase them because they are a haunting enticement of the substance without being the substance themselves.  It takes a jolt, sometimes even a painful jolt, to remind us where reality lies and where shadows seduce.  Our Savior was so aware of this weakness within us that he often walked the second mile to meet us in order that something more dramatic might be used to put into perspective for us.


Now, I don't consider myself to be particularly ambitious, but I am very goal oriented. I wouldn't say I have any huge desires for success or achievement, but I do have focus and determination, both of which I believe are God-given. 


That said, some of the most stressful periods of my life have come from pursuing goals that I've "absorbed" from the world around me. Not just the obvious ones of things like education and home buying, but whole value systems that were programmed into me, and most other people, from a very young age by the world around us.  Lately, I've come to see (yet again) that all my planning and fighting, scheming and clawing, is pretty much in vain. God can do in a few simple steps (though they may take longer or be different from my plans) what would take me all the strategizing in the world. I found out over the weekend that I'm being considered for a leadership position that I would have never been able to negotiate on my own. Where did it come from? From keeping up something apparently small, something that annoyed me, something that was really starting to tire me out, but that God told me repeatedly and clearly not to let go of. I came very close to...it would have been the smart thing to do financially and emotionally and was the advice of a lot of people whose opinions I respect.


I have to remind myself regularly to just let go of my tangible little life, and focus on the intangible things that God's leading me toward. I've gotten much better at it, but still find myself clinging on occasion. 

Balancing blessings and ambition...

My life's gone through some interesting and subtle changes over the last year. I finished grad school, turned 30 and started a martial art (which I've always wanted to do). When I take a step back and look at my life, it makes me smile. I know I'm blessed...I have family that loves me and that I'm growing closer to in a time where families are drifting apart. I have a steady job with growing potential in an environment where people are struggling to survive. My life is financially sound at an age where most people are saddled with loads of educational and consumer debt. I have overall peace in a time when life is becoming more stressful.

Some of these same changes though, have wrinkles of discontent popping up in my head. I finished grad school...I don't know if we're programmed through education to expect grand-change every four or so years, but I feel like something big should be happening now. I feel like I should move. Also, my friends are moving away. My best friend moved away late last year. We didn't hang out a lot (we're both big inside people and talked a lot online), but it made me sad. It was definitely the best choice for her, and she's happier, but I miss her and it still makes me feel a little lonely...which is WAY rare for me. On top of that, another friend is thinking of moving. That just ads fuel to the "I really need to do something!" fire. On top of that, I'm at a point in my Chinese studies where, to become fluent (a big goal of mine), I need to spend some time immersed. I'm at a point in life where I have almost no commitments (aside from a job) and though I'm quite single, I still worry that if I don't go plop myself down in Taiwan right now, I'm going to end up married with children in the blink of an eye, tied down for twenty or so years and unable to explore that option for a very long time. 

On the other side of that coin, I have even more changes that have me wanting to settle down here, where I was raised. I have my "new" church...a great place where I feel I can grow a lot spiritually. This has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. There's also my Brazilian jiu jitsu school. I really love it there and genuinely want to stay with my instructors while I pursue a black belt (we're looking at 10+ years...easily). I'm making new friends, improving myself and for the first time in...maybe my life, I'm excited to see people that I'm not already long time friends with. And then, I have my roots. My family...immediate and extended are here and I'm at the point in life where I'd like to buy a house. Couple that with low mortgage rates and home prices and I feel pressure to move in that area.

Choices are a crazy thing. Mine are great ones to have...freedom and options...but being torn between personal ambitions and God's guidance has left me terrified of making a mistake in either direction. That concern though, I think is a reflection of how I view God. I think it signals that I see him, at least in part, as some great puzzle-master, throwing challenges at me with one choice leading to ultimate disaster and ruin. I know that's not true, but I don't think I believe it yet.